Good afternoon everyone! Hope you are all doing well and another huge thank you to everyone who pops on and reads these blog posts (ranting and excessive typos and all) – it means more than you know!
Today I am excited to announce my second feature in my little mini-series about positivity in dance communities. To re-hash, the goal was to choose members of the dance studios and “scenes” that I’ve been a part of who I feel are really instrumental in cultivating happy, loving and supportive atmospheres. I came up this idea at the beginning of 2020 and asked those involved to help out literally a year ago now… Let’s just say that lots of things got in the way of actually making it happen LOL. But this week’s feature and I both agree that this crazy year has put a spin on our perspectives of the topic that we wouldn’t have had before.
As for the wonderful feature in question? Her name is Dakota King, and she is one of the sweetest, kindest, most loving people I know! I dance with her in the ballet program at the University of Utah, where she is beautiful in every class and show that she is a part of! Something that struck me about Dakota from the moment I met her was her way of pulling people into her circle. No matter who you are or how you are feeling on any given day, she will talk to you in a way that makes you feel a sense of friendship and support. She is also extremely articulate, whether it be in a class discussion or a personal conversation, and it was so awesome to speak with her about her perspectives and views on life! This post was done a bit differently, more of an interview-style conducted over zoom, so you can read her amazing words straight from her mouth. Honestly, I’m immensely impressed that she did this with very little preparation as to what the questions would be (let her know if you think she should start a podcast – I certainly do :)). Therefore, without further ado, I give you… Dakota 🙂
Olivia: This idea was kind of based off a philosophy of mine that it only takes one person to change the behavior and atmosphere of a group as a whole, and I think you’ve definitely been a positive influence on our class these past two years. So, I’m starting off with kind of a broad question, but how would you describe your general approach to class or performance? Do you have any inspirations/ideas/thought processes that kind of fuel you?
Dakota: I agree! I really appreciate you saying that I had a positive attitude. One thing that I actually struggle with that a lot of people don’t know is that I sometimes have a hard time comparing myself to others. I feel like a lot of people are better than me and I have to remind myself to not let that get to me, or else it diminishes my own self-esteem and work ethic. A lot of last year (I’ve gotten better at it this year) was telling myself not to compare myself completely to others. I’ve had to shift my perspective, from trying to “be” other people to trying to become who I am. It sounds kind of cheesy, but there were aspects of dancing that I enjoyed from everyone, and I had to remind myself that I was my own dancer. A lot of both last year and this year was diving deep, determining what I needed to improve or work on, but also identifying my strengths and relishing in what I can stand out in, if that makes sense. For example, I have good flexibility, but I really wanted to work on my stability and strength, posture, etc.
Another trick that I use is (this kind of sounds like a downer, but) acting like every day is the last day that I am going to dance. This really allows me to give it my hardest in class. I don’t remember where I heard this, but if I go in thinking “if I die tomorrow, how am I going to live my last day?” I start finding that I enjoy the little things more. One thing I’ve started doing is identifying one thing that makes me happy that day, and it really gives me that positive attitude to then give it my fullest in class. I’ve even started writing it down in a journal.
However, there is one other thing that goes along with that: your 100% today isn’t going to be the same as tomorrow, or yesterday. One thing that makes me feel really drawn to people, or people drawn to me, is that I can tell when people are feeling down, and it makes me immediately want to help them. My point of saying that is, nobody’s happy every day. It’s my belief that we can find things that make us happy every day, but that’s not to say that every day is going to be the greatest day. For example, if I’m having a rough day, and I don’t even really want to dance, I still go in with the mindset of treating the day like it’s that last day, but instead of my 100% being up here (gestures) it’s going to be more like down here (gestures lower). If that means my extensions are lower, my turn out less, that’s okay – I know that my 100% can vary, and I still feel accomplished.
O: “That day’s 100%” – I like that! It’s very wise. I got a deck of affirmation cards for Christmas, and this morning’s said a similar thing to the other point you mentioned – even if the big things in your day aren’t going as planned, you can still find little things to be grateful for.
O: Is there something/someone in your life that pushed you towards the attitudes that you have or the beliefs that you hold?
D: Two things – my mom is a really big influence in my life, because she sacrifices a lot for others. Just having her as an example has made me want to become like her. I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase “what goes around comes around”. I think that refers to both good and bad things – if you get good, you’ll receive good back. I’ve seen my mom give to others with no intention of compensation, but still receive amazing things in return, whether it be joy, a physical gift, or just a good feeling inside.
Another influence is my religion. I’m a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (LDS church) and a big part of my religion is becoming like Jesus Christ, who spent his life in service to other people. One of my favorite things is that he loved everyone – no matter their faults, no matter who they were and what their background was. That really empowers me. I really feel like I could befriend anyone and everyone, because it brings me so much joy. I always wonder – “who am I going to make friends with next?” Coming into the University of Utah, I knew I was going to be surrounded by different people, who had different beliefs and ways of life than me. Obviously, I was a little nervous, and I understand how some people could be afraid and judgmental of those who are different than them. But I truly believe that if you put your mind and your heart to it, you can make friends and lead in positivity by helping and serving others.
O: That’s actually really interesting that you say that. One of my New Year’s goals was to make more friends that were drastically different than me. It’s definitely harder for introverts like me, but there is a real benefit to what you are describing when it comes to building bigger, better, and more supportive communities.
D: Yeah! Judging by my friends/community in high school, you never would have guessed the type of people that I’m friends with now! I almost make it my goal to prove to people that you can befriend anyone, regardless of common lifestyles/interests.
O: That’s great, and it’s definitely one of the things I’ve noticed/admire about you too. You may have answered some of this already in the first question, but I wanted to ask: Sometimes we get so obsessed looking internally at ourselves and our own flaws that we have trouble being consistently and sincerely supportive to others. I know sometimes in myself that I become so absorbed in my own world that I lack the mental capacity to move past this extra barrier. Do you have any types for overcoming this self-criticism/jealousy that pops up?
D: I feel like this year I’ve really grown the most in terms of this question. I had a lot of body image issues freshman year, and I would focus on that so much that it interrupted the progress of my dancing. Part of what helped me was actually talking to you this summer. It was in July, and I was actually having a conversation with you about getting your period back and wanting to have a period haha. You were talking about loosening your restrictions on food and the advice you got from other specialists, and that really resonated with me. I was worrying so much about what I was eating, and I realized that it was just damaging me. For example, I always avoided cheese, but I wasn’t happy and I allowed myself to eat it hahaha. When I just let my body follow its cravings, I cleaned up my mental health a little bit, so that’s the first point. I was able to see the benefit of having a filled-out body. I still compare myself to other people – I love the shape of her body, I wish I had that body, etc – but we’re all our own individual person. We need to realize how beautiful our own body is, and decide what we like about our body.
I think it’s really important to love ourselves before we love others. We can’t fully give ourselves to others unless we learn to love ourselves. I think that’s one reason I am who I am – I’ve learned to accept myself.
Another point: We can definitely learn a lot from watching other people and taking things into our own dancing. However, it is possible to watch other people too much, and I think sometimes we just need to hone into what we need at that moment. This is where I’ve seen the most physical improvement from me (as opposed to mental). It seems weird, because I’m a very social person, but this year if you’ve notice I keep placing myself in the corner, in the barre spot where I can’t see the mirror. Last year, instead of focusing on the combination and the technique, I would be focusing on how I looked in the mirror, so I decided to experiment by taking it away, and it ended up working! We all rush in life to get somewhere, thinking about days, weeks, and months from now. But we shouldn’t underestimate the value of taking things one step at a time, identifying what we need in the moment. You’re not going to reach your goals in one day.
O: I always admire your boldness in choosing that barre spot haha.
D: I know! I like having a mirror in center, but sometimes I just need to feel my body instead of looking! Other days I’ll go to the mirror. I always felt so bad though, I didn’t want anyone to think I hated them for standing so far away!
O: Nah, it’s just cuz nobody wants to stand there, I definitely would not worry about that at all! Do you have any other tips about spreading your positivity around and connecting a community at large that you haven’t shared yet?
D: I think it’s totally fine to have little friend groups – some people just get along better than others. But I also think it’s important not to close yourself off too much from new people or conversations. I think that some people may be fearful about starting new relationships. And I know that this is difficult this year with COVID, I wish we had more time to talk. It was much easier to create a sense of community when we were all able to chill together in the dressing room – I would say that being able to relax together outside of studio time is a big part of it.
Another easy answer is that giving a simple compliment or even just saying “hi” is so important. You never know when someone may be having a bad day, and even just a small gesture like that can make them feel good. You might think “oh, she looks great, she really doesn’t need a compliment” but you never know what might be going on inside them that day. That’s why I always make it a goal of mine to say hello, or ask someone how they are doing. I also think it’s important to receive an honest answer when you ask these questions. I don’t think you should lie, and there should be open conversation if you’re not doing your best. Although this seems counter-intuitive to spreading “positivity”, I think that it creates an environment where you can support each other. For example, if someone tells me that they’re not feeling their best, I can give them a hug (pre-COVID, of course), or ask what I can do for them. In this way, we can create a community that is a safe space. If I could narrow it all down to one word, I would say that “communication” is key in fostering a friendly and positive atmosphere. Honest communication, that is.
O: Yeah, I couldn’t agree more. That’s one thing I notice about people who are constantly putting it out there – they get waves of positivity reciprocated in return!
D: Yeah! To add to that, I think there is real power in knowing that you are loved – or at least supported by friends and members of your community. For example, I’m happier right now because I am talking to you! The shut down hasn’t been too hard for me because I have such a close relationship with my family, but I am really close to my outside community too. Especially during COVID, making the extra effort to talk to each other and knowing that people are around and ready to uplift you can make all the difference. Sending that extra text, replying to that insta story, staying in the know and making sure everyone’s doing alright. It’s amazing really, how quickly as humans we can become friends. I didn’t even know you two years ago! It’s just really cool to see how quickly that positive community can be built if everyone contributes. *
Wasn’t that amazing? That interview really brightened my day and got me motivated for a new year of dance, so I hope it does the same for you. To find more of Dakota, you can follow her on instagram @caliduck02 or catch up with her dancing @leasieann_ballet. Here’s to a 2021 filled with love, light, and achieving your goals!
Xo,
Olivia
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