Tied Up With a Bow Part 2 ! (Merry Christmas :))

Scene 5

Remy looked around nervously at warm up. She usually liked the pre-show classes, the whole cast surrounding her in a state of focus, preparing themselves mentally and physically for the hours ahead. However, Steve had just come in and plunked himself in his chair by the radio, ready to start, and there was still no sign of Jayden. She leaned over the barre and poked Anna’s shoulder. The flexible girl was stretching, holding one leg in the air to the side of her, hand wrapped around her heel.

“One, you probably shouldn’t do that until you’re warm, two, where’s Jayden?”

Anna dropped her leg and looked around, as if just realizing Remy’s alternate was missing.

“I don’t know. Hopefully she comes.”

“You think? She’s supposed to be Clara this morning!”

The music started, and the girls hastily got into position, exchanging furtive looks. 

Jayden did show, though. Halfway through tendus, she burst onto the stage, looking frazzled, hair in rollers. Remy scooched up on her barre to make room for her, and she slid in behind.

“Traffic.” She mumbled as she began her own version of plies.

“Don’t panic, you’ll be fine.” Remy whispered back, just grateful that she wouldn’t be asked to perform the lead at the last minute. 

When they had completed the barre portion of the class and they were lifting it offstage to prepare for center work, Jayden turned to Remy again. “Do you think you can check my props for me before you go down to change? I don’t even have my makeup done yet.”

“Of course” said Remy.

After class, Remy did as Jayden asked, making sure everything was in place for the top of the show. Her quick change from the party scene into her nightgown was set, the candle she carried when she snuck out to see her Nutcracker at night was ready for her to grab. On a whim, Remy decided to check if the little Nutcracker doll was in the right place too. It wasn’t really Clara’s responsibility as much as it was the person who played her mysterious Godfather Drosselmeyer’s, but Remy didn’t want to be blamed if anything went wrong. The doll was nestled in a nook behind a large setpiece that looked like a grandfather clock. One of the coolest moments in the show was when the clock split open, revealing Drosselmeyer, who presented Clara with the strange thing. Remy picked up the ugly doll and gave it a kiss, wishing luck to Jayden on her first run. She noticed Drosselmyer’s long cloak was behind he setpiece as well, and ran her fingers over it absently, noting how it looked much less dramatic rumpled and thrown on a shelf than being worn. Hearing footsteps behind her, she jumped and whirled around, suddenly recalling dire warnings from stage managers not to touch anyone’s props but her own.

It turned out it was none other than Godfather Drosselmeyer himself – well, at least the man who played him, Oscar Williams. He was a wonderful character actor onstage and had been doing the role for as long as Remy could remember. He crossed his arms and smiled at her, dark eyes twinkling.

“I was, uh, just making sure Taryn’s props were in place” she said, turning and patting the nutcracker on the head.

“Making my job easy, thank you.” He said warmly. He looked over Remy’s shoulder at the cloak. “Ah, I though I left that up here.”

Remy shuffled out of the way to let Oscar behind the clock. Feeling awkward, she let slip the first thing that came to mind. “I always thought it was so weird, Clara having such a fascination with that ugly doll.”

Oscar stopped and titled his head, considering. “I guess it’s not as much the thing itself, but  what you make of it that counts.”

“Uh, sorry… what?”

 “Clara creates such a fantastical experience for herself, all based off of a tiny little doll. Shows what a bit of imagination and perspective can do.” He winked a Remy, who wasn’t expecting such a deep answer. “Better go get changed. I’m sure your friend will be thankful to you for helping her out, but you’ve got roles too.”

Remy turned on her heel and scurried away to do just that.

Scene 6

The first show went fairly smoothly. The run of porcelain dolls was solid, although Remy came limping offstage with a large raw blister on her pinkie toe to add to her bruised big toenail misery. She glopped second skin on the wound, and Anna took a hand-held hairdryer to it to get it to harden while Remy pinned a snow crown in her friend’s hair. Teamwork at its finest.

When the curtain closed on the finale, Remy had been the first to sashay onsage and give a relieved-looking Taryn a giant hug.

Now, they were all siting in a circle in the Green Room. Many of the older dancers had gone home between shows, but their simply wasn’t time for Remy and the other girls in the party scene. Somehow, between noon and 5 pm, their parents had to execute a full head of perfect curls for the girls to don as part of their costumes. It was quite the task. The dancers babbled excitedly and played card games while their parents wrestled in earnest with curlers and copious amounts of hairspray.

Taryn, Anna, and a few girls in their level had elected to stay as well, leaving only to grab food from a local cafe. They brought Remy back a sandwich, which she consumed gratefully. They gossipped, laughed, and exchanged secret santa presents, wrapped in cozy warm-ups and fuzzy socks. Later on, someone’s mom ordered pizza, and Remy helped herself to some communal garlic bread. 

Remy had been doing Nutcracker for years, and she enjoyed the time spent backstage almost as much as she liked performing. As a kid, it had felt like on giant slumber party or celebration. She’s spent countless hours in this room, drunk on fatigue and adrenaline, hyped on candy and the Christmas spirit. 

Eventually, the Green Room started filling with people coming back from their break, and her friends left her to get ready for warm up. As she sat under a giant hair-drying machine, trying to set the hairspray into her sopping curls, the nerves for the upcoming show started to ebb in. She reached over for her dance bag, trying not to move her head too much, and pawed around inside it for Mémé’s bow. It always gave her comfort. Even though her head was full of curlers, she still had a half-pony in and could probably clip it there for the warm up class. However, after a long search, she could not find it anywhere within the bowels of her bag.

She set it down and sat back, thinking. When had she seen it last? Had she taken it off this morning after class? Try as she might, she couldn’t remember.

“Mom?”

Her mother looked up from where she was seated on the couch across from Remy, flipping through a magazine.

“Yes?”

“Have you seen Mémé’s bow?”

“Not since this morning when I put it on you.” Her mother checked her watch. “You should probably get out there for warm-up, huh? Let me take this dryer off.”

As her mother removed the trash bag-like device from her head, Remy’s thoughts continued to whirl. Although she knew it was stupid, the light nerves that were ebbing through her had started to take on the sharp edge of panic. She had never performed without her good luck charm before. When she was free from the dryer, she stood up and began checking around her, peering under couch cushions.

“You’re sure you haven’t seen it?”

“I’m afraid not, hun. It’s later than I thought it was, though, so you better get out there.”

Sure enough, Remy heard the beginning strains of the warm up music coming from the stage. Another searing burst of panic shot through her as she snatched her flat shoes from her mom’s extended hand and sprinted through the door.

Class did not go particularly well. The stress of being late and losing her good luck charm and the burn of her new blister (which hurt even in flat shoes) left her feeling frazzled and distracted. As she finished grande allegro and left the stage, she attempted to take deep breaths, trying not to fall into a pit of fear and frustration. 

The chaos of the dressing room didn’t help. Since Remy was playing Clara this show, she an honorary spot in the well-lit area occupied by the advanced students and the company dancers. They chattered and made loud jokes, playing music as they smeared on stage makeup. One of them helped stick thick fake eyelashes on Remy’s face as her mom took the curlers out of her hair. She jammed her pointe shoes on her screaming feet and was helped into Clara’s party dress. The pantaloons were pinned extra to her beige under-leotard as a result of the dress rehearsal fiasco, and Remy prayed that this wouldn’t be an issue during her upcoming quick change into the nightgown. 

When they were finished, she turned to look at herself in the mirror. She barely recognized the girl who looked back at her. She had always dreamed of playing Clara in The Nutcracker. Her grandmother had always been so sure that she would get the chance. She hadn’t had the same confidence. Yet here she was. It was happening, and it was happening now. She was wearing the dress, the makeup, the curls, so iconic and passed down from ballerina to ballerina for years. She supposed she should feel something – grateful, excited. Instead, she felt a bit ill. She probably shouldn’t have eaten that extra piece of garlic bread. “For you, Mémé.” She whispered.

As she limped her way up to the stage, people cooed over her, telling her how pretty she looked and wishing her good luck. She hoped she didn’t look as nauseated as she felt. When she reached the wings, she saw that Natalie and her partner were rehearsing a tricky turn together, Natalie still in her practice tutu. Snow wasn’t until the end of Act 1, so she still had a while yet to change. When she saw Remy, she smiled and waved.

“You look beautiful, Remy! How are you feeling?”

Remy surprised herself a little by answering truthfully.

“Not… the best. I have a really bad blister and I lost my good luck charm this afternoon.”

Natalie gave a sympathetic frown and motioned to her partner, murmuring that she felt good and that they were finished. He gave Remy a “fingers crossed” sign and left the stage. Natalie walked over to Remy and patted her shoulder.

“Don’t worry about the blister, you probably won’t feel it when you’re out there dancing. As for the good luck charm?” She gave a half smile, as if remembering something. “I used to have one too. A little teddy bear whose leg I used to rub” She shrugged. “I realized though, that it’s mostly in my head. Believing is half the battle. I’ve found that it works better for me to feed off of the energy around me. I usually dance better, and stay positive no matter the outcome.” She gestured to the closed curtain. They could already hear the soft buzz of conversation as audience members took their seats. “Just think of what a great gift you’re giving these people.” Beauty and joy. “They came here for you.” She tapped Remy’s heart. “So show them what’s in here. I’ve seen it. We’ve all seen it. You’re going to be fine.” Her eyes darted to the dancers dressed for the first scene that had begun filing onto the stage. “I should probably head down now.”

Without a second thought, Remy went in to give her a big hug. “Thank you for being so nice to me”

Natalie pulled back and winked. “You deserve it girl. You’ve got something special and I’m not playing.” She waved and walked towards the wing. “Merde!”

Remy waved. “You too!”

Feeling a bit better, Remy was able to practice a few tricky moves from her choreography before places were called and she was herded over to stage left with the other party kids. They tittered and made anxious conversation, but Remy did not join in, mind frantically working through last-minute notes that she needed to implement. When the music for overture began, her stomach did another flip flop. Yeah, that garlic bread had been a really bad idea. 

It was the combination of wanting to be in that moment with all her heart yet wanting to run away as fast as she possibly could, all at the same time. It was like floating, an out-of-body experience, extremities tingling with terror. It was like being a coiled spring getting ready to launch. She couldn’t wait to get onstage. The time was hers. The party scene music began and she prepared to harness the energy around her. She prepared to dance.

Scene 7

The moment she burst onstage, she wasn’t Remy anymore. At least, not the version that had been limping around moments before. She was Remy’s Clara. She was excited. She was ambitious. She was mischievous. She was full of imagination, letting it fuel her, allowing her to see the beauty in everything, even an ugly old Nutcracker doll. She danced sweetly at the party, her steps second nature from months of rehearsal. She ooed and awed with the other children when Oscar entered as Drosselmeyer, swirling his cloak, and presented the partygoers with gifts in the form of dancing dolls. German Doll, Toy Soldiers, Puppets, Harlequin and Columbine – she held her breath and let out legitimate applause after watching Jayden and Anna nail it in Porcelain. She danced with joy when she received her nutcracker, anger and shock when her little brother Fritz stole it and broke it. She couldn’t help thinking for a moment of Jules and her troublesome dog at home, named after the mischievous character. But low and behold – Drosselmeyer fixed the nutcracker, and Remy’s Clara was happy once more! The longer she danced, the more her worries seemed to fade. Natalie was right, she didn’t even think about her blister at all, not until she was off for a quick change and a sip of water before creeping back into the low light to dance the transformation and the war scene. For the most part, the chaotic sequence went as planned. One of the more nerve-wracking maneuvers, when Remy had to unfasten her pointe show and hit the Rat King with it, thus defeating him, went off without a hitch. However, there was a strange moment during the war when the Rat King’s crown flew off of the top of Sean’s mask and onto the apron of the stage, something that was not supposed to happen. When the moment came for Remy to kneel and be crowned an honorary princess by the Nutcracker Prince, nothing happened. Nobody had been able to retrieve the prop. When she peered up through her eyelashes at Evan, she saw that he was doing an elaborate pantomime, as if blessing her or doing magic on her instead. She almost snorted out loud. When she stood up for him to take her into the next lift, he muttered “Sorry, had to improvise”

“It was stunning” She had time to say before he had her under the armpits and was hoisting her up into the air.

Her favorite part of the first act was when the war-torn living room was changed into a field of sparkling snow. When Natalie came out, this time in her full Snow Queen attire, Remy’s smile was legitimate. The dancer was wearing a gorgeously crafted tutu, jewels glittering in her ears and at her neckline, stagelight shooting off of her elegant crown. She looked even more beautiful than usual. She chennéd out to center stage, a picture of queenly poise. Warmth and giddiness erupted within Remy as they curtseyed to each other, exchanging knowing grins. After dancing a few more steps, Remy exited the stage, panting. She got to rest during the snow scene.

Evan gave her a fist bump. “Hey, that was awesome! We were on fire!”

“Yeah, it felt good!” Remy whispered back.

Sean came up beside Evan, Rat mask under one arm, and patted his shoulder. “Sorry about the crown, bro, I don’t know what happened.”

Evan just shrugged. “It was fine.”

“No matter. You still won the war.” He clapped Evan on the back and began walking away towards the stage door, finger in the air. “Next time, the Rats shall prevail!”

The last line was spoken a bit too loudly, earning him a couple of hissed shhhs from the backstage workers.

Remy chuckled softly and peered through the wings, craning her neck to spot her friends onstage. Despite her long legs, Anna was handling the fast choreography well, a smile on her red-painted lips. Natalie was in a delicate position on her partner’s shoulder, looking as regal as ever. It was always amusing to Remy how pristine they looked under the stage lights, only to come off for their breaks heaving and groaning.

Someone else tapped Remy’s shoulder and she turned to see Oscar there. 

“Beautiful dancing Remy! I haven’t been able to catch you until now, but I believe I have something that is yours.” Oscar reached into his pocket and pulled out a small object.

“My bow!” Remy squeaked, earning some more patronizing shhhhhs. She took it from his hand. It was perfect, entirely intact, barrette opening and closing with a satisfying click. “You fixed it!” She whispered.

“I found it behind the clock, it must have fallen out of your hair. At that point, though, the show was already beginning, so I just put it in the pocket of my costume. Afterwards, it looked a little bent. I thought it was my doing, so I took it home to fix it with my metal pliers between shows.”

“It was already broken.” Remy reassured him. “That’s probably why it fell out in the first place.”

Oscar smiled. “Well, all is well now. I meant to give it to you earlier, but I couldn’t find you before warm up and I didn’t want to distract you afterwards.”

“Yeah, well, I was late to warm up.” Remy said sheepishly, then stood on the tips of her pointe shoes to give him a hug, one of many that day. “Thank you so much, you don’t know how much this means to me!” She pulled away. “You’re like a true Godfather Drosselmeyer.”

Oscar huffed out a whispered laugh. “I like the sound of that.”

Scene 8

Remy entered Act 2 far more confidently than she had Act 1. Her body felt warmed up from the stage and her heart felt warmed up from the kindness that had been shown to her. After a tricky little partnering section in the beginning, she spent most of the act sitting on a throne, observing the divertissements that danced for Clara in the Land of Sweets. Jayden always complained that sitting there made her feet numb. It was true that Remy’s feet tingled a bit, but she liked having a front row seat to the action. Watching the mesmerizing and kaleidoscopic Waltz of the Flowers was her favorite, but the Dance of the Sugarplum Fairy came in a close second. Ballet Minneapolis always hired prominent guest artists to dance the roles of Sugarplum and her Cavalier, and Remy liked observing how the professionals tackled the tough choreography thrown their way. From the audience, they made it look easy, but Remy could hear their panting. She noticed how Saskia Bernova, the gorgeous ballerina that was hired for Sugarplum, used short exhalations to stay in control during her ménage of turns and made a note to try that strategy out later. 

She couldn’t quite believe that everything was real when she danced the last steps of the ballet to the swelling score. She’d done it. She’d really done it. Something welled in her that made her chest hurt – joy, relief, pride, and nostalgia, all in one. When she came out for the curtain call to the audience’s roars and cheers, small tears pricked the corners of her eyes. If only Mémé could be here to see this. Remy knew that her grandmother would be clapping louder than the rest of them. It was probably the happiest moment of her life so far.

As soon as the curtain closed, she was bombarded, Jayden and Anna rushing up for a hug attack, congratulations on all sides. She got a picture with them, then Evan, then Oscar, then Saskia, then Natalie, who told her how proud of her she was. Some little girl asked her to sign a pointe shoe. Eventually, her family came back from the audience. Jules, looking uncomfortable in a suit, delivered a banquet of flowers. Remy decided to forgive him. 

Remy was most overjoyed when Steve came up behind her and put a hand on her head. “Of all the Claras I’ve seen through the years” he said softy “You’re one who truly makes this show come alive.”

Remy gasped her thanks. A compliment from Steve was one well-earned.

Scene 9

Remy eventually had to force herself to go downstairs and be pried out of her costume. She still had performances tomorrow and Sunday, and she decided that they were probably going to have to pin her down and strip her when it came to the last show. She never wanted Nutcracker to end.

When her family was finally packed and piled into the car, Remy let herself slouch against the window and listened quietly while her parents made conversation. 

“I suppose when this is over in two days, I’ll have to think about my Christmas shopping.” Her mother was telling her father. “All this Nutcracker madness interferes with my holiday season. I’ve barely had any time to buy gifts!”

“I don’t need anything.” Remy piped up from the back. Her parents laughed, but she was dead serious. 

She took the bow out of her bag and turned it over in her hands. She appreciated that it had been returned, but she was now realizing that she didn’t really need it. Natalie had been right – the happiness in your life don’t depend on the physical objects that you possess. They depend on your mindset, your energy, your interactions with the world around you. Treat people with love and kindness, and it will be reciprocated. She though of Oscar’s interpretation of Clara, how she took something so ordinary and made it extraordinary by infusing it with her own heart, lifeforce, and creativity. Shows what a bit of imagination and perspective can do.

She though of Mémé, so adamant that The Nutcracker was the only Christmas gift she would ever need. Remy decided that she agreed with her. Just the experience of being surrounded by that magic and excitement gave her enough festivity and spirit to last her through the holidays. Beauty and joy, beauty and joy.

Remy closed her eyes. Now that she was siting down and in comfortable clothes, she was realizing just how tired she really was. Without meaning to, she fell asleep on the car ride home, visions of Sugar Plum fairies doing ménages through her subconscious.

The End and Happy Holidays!! ❤