Hi Everybody!
Wow. I feel like I say this every time, but it really has been a hot second lol.
This summer has definitely been one for the books, for many reasons that I will not elaborate on extensively right now but will definitely discuss after some distance and perspective have been achieved. The return to the school year has been unique too, as I’m sure many of us can agree. It seems we are all in vastly different yet similar situations as we attempt to return to school and dance amidst a pandemic with no end in sight. As with many programs across the country, the University of Utah is giving this daunting endeavor a try. Countless rules, restrictions, mask mandates, “pod” groupings, procedures, online opportunities, plan A’s B’s and C’s, zoom meetings, cleanings, excessive signage strategies, and email chains are being employed to make a return to the studios somewhat possible.
I’m gonna be real honest here. The vibes are not that high right now. The past two weeks for me have been extremely anxiety-ridden and, for the most part, less than enjoyable. Between the stress of tuition bills and jobs and being and “adult” again to the stress of returning to a highly rigorous program with talented peers while feeling like I’m in less-than-ideal shape to, of course, the stress of the unpredictable and constantly-evolving COVID-19 situation, I have not been the most bright-and-sparkly lately.
Although you may not be in a University setting, I feel that many dancers can at least relate to the second part of that statement. Lots of people are returning to a (modified) studio environment this fall, and are probably facing a lot of stress regarding their dancing. Whether it be their post-quarantine technique or their body image or (like me) their sudden return to a room full of peers who may be at a higher level that they realized/remembered, new and intense bouts of self-criticism, self-comparison, and negative self-talk are bound to make an entrance.
That’s why I believe it is the perfect time to introduce a new series I’m starting called “It Takes One”. Okay, more honesty here – I actually meant to post this series like a year ago. 2020 really kinda just got in the way a bit lol. But thanks to some patient, gracious friends and a day off to get this sucker done, it is here, and I’m actually pretty glad its happening now because this is when I feel I need it the most. The concept is that I chose a fellow dancer from each of the three dance communities I have been immersed in extensively thus far and asked them a few questions to prompt a feature post for the blog. It is based on the sentiment (a sentiment that my first feature shares) that it only takes one person to fundamentally change the behavior and outlook of a group, for better or for worse. In this case, it is for the better, as I have been first-hand witness to these individuals as they made their dance communities more supportive, loving, and positive places to be. Even if we must be physically separate right now, we need this more than ever as we all return to dancing together amidst our own personal struggles.
Now that all that is out of the way, it’s time to get to our first feature, who is (drumroll please)… Aubrie Owen! I danced with Aubrie at my home studio, Classical Ballet Academy of Minnesota, and I have noticed so many amazing qualities about her that make her shine! She’s never afraid to give kind, sincere compliments and wholehearted support – she always finds a way to make the others around her feel special. She has an amazing enthusiasm and ability to make light out of difficult situations that is absolutely unrivaled. The love she gives to others is very apparent in all the love and appreciation she gets in return (just check her instagram comments if you don’t believe me lol). Furthermore, she is a beautiful, fierce, and technical dancer – her dedication is absolutely mind-blowing, and it shows. I feel like just having a conversation with Aubrie opens me up to so many insights and inspirations that I’d never thought of before, and I hope that it comes through in the blog post is well. So, without futher ado, I give you… Aubrie Owen 🙂
Spread Love, Not COVID (hehe)
by Aubrie Owen
Ballet can be so exhaustingly self-centered. It sounds bad, but think about it! We are constantly analyzing our own movements, remembering our own corrections, perfecting our own technique, toning our own bodies, memorizing our own choreography, and planning our own training. In all of this self-reflection, we’re bound to recognize that alone, we have a lot of imperfections. In fact, “recognize” is a massive understatement! Our imperfections too often become the entire focus of our dancing; the need to change this and improve that. Too many dancers lose confidence in themselves and their love for the art. Being so fixated on only yourself and your faults in any aspect of life is so detrimental. That’s why I’ve found that for me, it’s so vital that I create a balance between a laser-focus on my own technique and in expanding my horizons to spreading love to other dancers so that I can maintain a positive attitude in the studio and healthy relationships with the dancers that surround me. This broader mindset has helped my intense, perfectionistic, bunhead self to still be a happy and whole human first and foremost. I hope it will help you too!
Positivity for Yourself
In ballet, we are constantly focusing on our flaws with a mindset of trying to get better. Throughout class, we analyze our movement with the goal of trying to find the imperfections so we can fix them. This is obviously the path to improvement, but it’s so easy to become debilitated by all the things that are wrong with our dancing. I’ve even had moments where I dance while holding back sobs because I know that there are so many things to work on but I can’t seem to get anything right. Sounds familiar?
We all know that in life needs to have balance or it will fall. So we need to match our constant self-criticism with self-love and appreciation. This is so much easier said than done, but these are a few approaches that I’ve taken to try to be kind to myself:
1. Instead of beating myself up for a flaw, I try to celebrate the fact that I discovered it by labeling it as a “new project” rather than an imperfection. If we were perfect dancers, there would be no motivation, no drive, nothing for us to work for. Instead of telling myself that these flaws show how inadequate I am, I try to get excited about them; each turned-leg, imbalance, or sickled foot is a new pathway leading us to progress. If we don’t understand or master a correction right away, it’s important for us to give ourselves grace and realize what a gift this flaw is, because it will allow us to create and pursue new goals.
2. I was once told to approach class like a scientist, with a non-emotional, unbiased approach. Of course passion and artistry is wonderful, but when you feel yourself starting to get discouraged, try to treat every combination like an experiment to be able to assess what is working and what is not. A scientist would never feel that they are a terrible person if their experiment did not turn out. A good scientist knows that experiments rarely work out the first time, and that worthwhile discoveries only come from many, many test runs and failures. I love this analogy because the rational mindset that it represents is so useful in staying mentally healthy in such a mentally taxing environment.
3. Recognize that there will always be days when nothing seems to be going right- dancers and athletes and honestly everyone experiences them. When this happens, it’s so easy to internalize our failures, leading to a downward spiral where we only make our dancing worse because of our negative self-talk. On these days, I have to recognize it and realize that being hard on myself will do nothing but regress my dancing. This negative state causes me to overthink everything, stumble and lock up my muscles, and not enjoy the art at all. It really shows how your mental state directly impacts your dancing. It can be so frustrating when you get into one of these ruts, so what I do it give myself a “mental health day” in which I choose to temporarily forget technique and focus on pure DANCING, reminding myself of the why. Why did I start dancing in the first place? Why do I love it? I listen to the music and allow it to move my body through each combination, being creative with my use of musicality and refreshing my muscle memory on how to be expressive. I remind myself to be grateful for the ability of my body to move through space and create beautiful designs. This always recenters my thinking to be full of love for the art, and prevents me from being counterproductive in my negative thought processes.
These strategies have helped me so much to improve and work hard but not to beat myself up when nothing seems to go right (which too many dancers have a habit of doing). Becoming an expert at taming our thoughts helps us to dance better and to enjoy our art so much more!
Positivity for Others
I’m not going to pretend that staying mentally strong has always been easy for me. That’s why I’ve found that it’s so vital that we take a step back and take some of that pressure off of ourselves to be positive by a Giving compliments in class is a win-win situation: it helps us to not only stay positive in our own minds, but to also spread that positivity to others! Dancers are always creating laundry lists of our own imperfections, which our teachers only lengthen. If we can lift each other and remind each other of the things we ARE doing right, it can make a world of a difference in a person’s day and helps the compliment giver to remember that each dancer’s worth goes beyond dance… to their incredible humanity. When I look back, what has pushed me to pursue a professional dancing career the most, what that allowed me to believe that I COULD make it, were the kind words of others that have echoed in my mind when I get discouraged. Your tiny words of encouragement could be THE reason why a dancer pursues a professional career or even just chooses to believe in themselves as a person.
On top of this, when we look to lift others, it reinforces our true identity in our minds: we are human beings first, and dancers second. This important truth is too often compromised and forgotten in the midst of our otherworldly dedication to our art. For me, I can remember that my ability to make another person smile is a talent that no one can ever critique or diminish, while my ability to do a triple pirouettes will wane.
Dance can be so competitive and it’s not uncommon for the environment in a studio to turn sour quickly. Casting can really put walls between people, and dancers can become overwhelmingly negative. Dance drama is no joke, but I’ve found that the best thing to do is to do as much as you can on your end to spread love and work hard, and if others are jealous or unkind to you then it’s not for reasons that you can control. This works the other way around as well. I have had moments of jealousy when I have had to correct myself, thinking, “why should I feel this way toward him/her when he/she has given me nothing but kindness and respect?” Casting and talent does not change a person’s fundamental worth. It’s so important to unpack these feelings because, in reality, it’s only ourselves that we harm when we harbor resentment.
I have witnessed complete revolutions of attitudes within my own studio, and it only takes one person. Kindness and joy are so contagious, and once a studio environment flips, it gains momentum. Be the spark!
Instagram: @aubrieodances
All Photo Credit: Emily Charais @minneapolisdancephotographer @emilycharais
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